My bubble has grown

I think the number of fears changes daily. Something will happen and my blood pressure will rise and I'm like, whoa, that scared me and it didn't before. I have always considered my self fairly adventurous (skydiving, for example) so random fears sort of weirdos me out. My bubble is bigger in every circumstance that I can think of. I had someone go in for a hug (when I had a walker) and I practically fell over trying to avoid it. I didn't do it consciously, I guess I was just afraid she'd push me over. I didn't realize it until she apologized and then I had to explain that I do in fact like hugs and didn't mean to do that. 

Driving is tricky for me. A bigger bubble is not always good when driving. I have a funny paranoia that everyone wants to be in my lane and that no car can see me. I did get a bigger car to help alleviate that fear and it has helped. My new car has a back up camera, which I not only love, but more than anything, it fills the gap of my physical ability to rotate my torso. I do wish the camera could, be on when I was driving, but I can imagine the confusion that would cause. I sometimes think I prefer to be the driver, until something scares me, and all I want is to be out of the car. Then I am the passenger, and I (at times) have to close my eyes so I don't scream out. Some lucky folks, like my mom, just gets the screams. Love you mom! 

I visualize accidents a lot. It's weird to be driving and literally "see" an accident in my head. I usually have to shake it off and have a conversation with myself. And then I go and watch Chicago Fire (so freaking good) or the news (scary!) and my brain remembers those crazy TV moments. Stupid brain. 

Running/jogging, Jumping and skipping. Hard! This actually revolves more around my knee, but the way landing feels now is different everywhere. I have slowly eased back into step, which involves some jumping and stomping. The first time I did it, I lasted 15 minutes before my knee and pelvis started yelling at me. The next time was 30 minutes. And the next time was an hour! I have really missed step and can't wait to do it with the bounce that I used to have. I do go to the back, which helps with my bubble situation. 

Funny enough, I think I am getting to be as strong as I was at the accident but I have a mental block about skipping, especially the landing part. It is such a joyous activity, and I yearn for the day I can do it, without a second thought. And cartwheels, although I don't think I've been able to do one of those right for years. 

I did sign up to do the Big climb again in March 2014. That was the last event I did just days before the accident and I want to do it again, as a celebration. I don't care how long it takes me, but I am going to do it.