Long time, no post

It's been awhile. Not for any reason, except I am actually busy again. 

I am back to work full time, which I like, but I also miss laying around healing with my cats. I can tell they miss me too. I can also tell that I still have a lot of healing to do, so my down time is more important than ever. That does mean not doing some things I want to, and making a good choice for my healing. I enjoy my work and especially the project I am working on now, which definitely makes coming back easier. I have been working from home for almost 3 months now, and just starting to get into the office on a regular basis. 

I have returned to the gym. Marisa is amazing, she is just coming up with stuff for me each time I come in (to compliment the exercises I need to do for physical therapy). It feels good to have sore muscles for something other than having not moved for 3 months. It is a different kind of sore, a good sore. It reminds me what I am capable of and that while this accident has changed me, it doesn't define what I can and cannot do. I won't let it.

In some ways, all of these experiences of returning to things I used to do every day, makes it feel like I never left. My first morning back at the gym, someone came up and said, now that you are back, it feels like you never left. It's kind of odd when you suddenly disappear from something without saying goodbye. In some ways, I sort of imagined time stopping when my accident happened, and everyone just froze where they were, so when I walked back in, it was like no time had passed. (Not how it really works, by the way). I am just back to doing what I belong doing.

A lot has happened in the last month since my last post. For starters, I am on an airplane, typing this. Talk about getting back to "normal." I celebrated 12 weeks. Which was the big milestone set by the doctors at Harborview. Healed! Right? I suppose technically my breaks are solid-ish now, so in the eyes of the orthopedic pelvis team at Harborview, that is healed. What has to heal after that, is all the stuff that was holding me together while my pelvis took its time. This is the hard stuff, cause I don't get to just sit around anymore, I have to actually do stuff. Back to reality, which is scary! 

I also went to the knee doctor. I got an MRI which showed some tearing of my medial blah blah thingy, but showed no pieces of cartilage or bone under my knee cap. Good news! I need surgery to fix my medial thingy, but not with urgency. So, I am planning on October so I can get strong again, heal up more and be out in the gross winter, rather than during this amazing summer we are having in Seattle. So, more on that, when I get it scheduled. 

I have gotten good at asking for what I need to be okay in situations, like Mariners games (2 under my belt, both wins!), concert at Chateau Ste. Michele, going to support friends at Rock and Roll marathon, going to the beach and even paddle boarding (sitting). I am challenged to try things I may be slightly afraid of, but excited that people ask and support me in trying.

I am driving again, sort of. Side streets, I am pretty much good. I would like a sign that says, stop AT the stop sign, not 5 feet after. Makes me jump too. I would also like everyone to reduce ate themselves on proper following distances. Break lights make me jump! I tired the freeway once, and had to have one, very long, pep talk with myself. Here's the deal: Fear isn't logical. I have NO IDEA why I am scared of things that had nothing to do with the type of accident I was in. No idea. But fear isn't logical, I don't chose to be afraid. I just am, and am testing it on a daily basis.

What is next?

More firsts, for starters:

1. Going up and down stairs normal (I have a lot of stairs in my life and so this is top of mind)

2. Driving on the freeway for more than 1 mile and not freaking myself out

3. Driving to work (I still get rides, bless your hearts Angela and Cheryl)

Continue lots of physical therapy! Heal (mind and body) and set news goals. Continue to find humor in all the crazy things that happen. Be grateful for where I am at and going.

I am excited to see how I progress and how my fear subsides.